Being a stay at home mommy isn't what I thought it would be. I am so grateful to be the one raising my children, I want to make that clear. And I was NOT at all expecting a bon bon eating/housewife type of existence - but I did expect life to be a little less stressful, with a little time for myself, as well as being the Mommy and household CEO.
Here's one thing I've learned. People don't give a stay at home mommy a break. In fact, not only does no one give you a break, people throw MORE at you to do for them. No grandma takes my children to an appointment or a practice for me - why should they - I'm not working, right? Husbands expect more - and while I don't consider my modern day hubby a chauvinist in any way - I'd be lying if I didn't say he expects to have nothing to do while at home. Volunteer organizations expect you to take on positions and help wherever they need you - what else could you possibly be doing, you don't have a job?
So many times in my head I was thinking, "Why the hell do you people think I quit my job, anyway? I felt like I couldn't get it all together and was floundering, so I wanted to take some responsibilities AWAY." If anything the opposite became true and even more responsibilities were laid at my feet. To top that off - no one is going to appreciate you and especially not WHAT you do. And if you say you're floundering now???? There must be something really wrong with you! This is what you wanted!
I'm not trying to be negative, not trying to gain sympathy - I'm just trying to be honest about my experience the last 4 years. I'm not saying working mothers or staying home mothers have it easier than the others, either - I do however, have perspective from both sides. I worked full time after Cameron was born and was still working half time after all 3 of my children were born. As a working mother, I dropped my kids off at the babysitter and picked them up after work. Sure I had the guilt that every working mom has about being away from your babies all day - and that was the worst. But now, when I think the exhaustive list of things I do every. single. day. dropping them off and picking them up sounds heavenly. Of course my babies were younger then so I didn't have the practices, games, etc. that create the rushing to and fro that I do now, so..... grass is always greener - I know.
I can count on two hands the amount of hours I've had to myself in the last 4 years. Sure there was one year that we could afford to send Elie to a preschool one day a week and 2 of those days each month were "mine" (the other two I worked for Ronny), but you know what I was doing those 2 days? Every appointment I would ever need, any shopping that needed to be done, errands, cleaning, volunteering, and on and on and on. Almost never did I get to do something that I just wanted to do.
Working mothers don't get time for themselves, either - but it's true that people tend to think stay at home mothers have it easier and it's just not true. This blog is not public, if you're reading this it's because you entered the web address and you were looking for it. So, I don't know how many people are ever going to see this - but if you are - all I'm saying is this. If you know a stay at home mom, don't assume that she doesn't need help. Don't assume that she has time to spare. If you're in a position to offer help to a working mother, please don't forget to also offer it to the at home mother.
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